oh the tears that flow

these are very trying times for me. it is very hard to come to terms w/ the fact that my wife no longer love me and doesnt want to be w/ me. i spend a good part of everyday with tears in my eyes. I tried to be as good a husband as i could. but it isnt me that is the problem. it is her. i'm just so hurt. i cant think about her w/ out tearing up, and i cant be around her w/ out crying. why would she do this? to me? now i dont know what to do w/ myself. i almost found myself a new girlfriend, but she is very ready for a serious relationship, and i am not. i kinda just want to get laid. the sex w/ her was no where near as good as w/ sandra. and it was a little weird, i've only ever had sex w/ sandra. i miss her a lot and i dont understand how she doesnt love me anymore.
i need the company on another woman right now. i told that other girl i couldnt give her anything serious, and she wont hang out w/ me anymore.
i dont think i will pursue that wild fire jobs. i cant leave silas for that long. i dont trust sandra. i need to b here for my son. i still want to join the military though. i might look into just the guard, that way i can stay here for most of the time. but u cant join the military as a single dad. i need to find a good career, something i can feel proud of.
i'm not proud of much right now. i'm very sad, and dont have much confidence right now, i didnt b4 she left me, and now i have less.
i just dont know what to do.
i'm so fuckin lost right now.
i need a hug.
and a kiss.
and then a hug again.

sandra moved out. she is living on skool loans.
i'm having xmas at her house on xmas eve. then dinner at her uncles house on xmas day at 2oclock. i'm not really looking foward to it. i have a feeling it will make me very sad. I dont want to start cryin at xmas, but i verywell might. this is not a very merry xmas.
i just want to be loved, thats all i want for xmas. to have my wife back. to be loved.

my wife is leaving

my wife is leaving me. she doesnt want a divorce right now. she just wants to seperate. she is going to move out soon. she says she doesnt love me, she nolonger sees me as her lover. she has been unhappy for a while. i'm so lost right now. i'm frustrated because i love her so much, and i have been trying to make this relationship work, and do everything i fuckin can to make her happy and try to grow as a couple, and she has been half-assing it for a long time now. I love her so much. i dont know what to do. she says she wants to stand on her own, and be her own person. WHY'D SHE MARRY ME IF she wasnt willing to put in the effort to make our relationship grow. she doesnt want to be my lover. she doesnt love me. she has lied to me. i'm very distraught.

i aint mad atcha

i got nothing