these are very trying times for me. it is very hard to come to terms w/ the fact that my wife no longer love me and doesnt want to be w/ me. i spend a good part of everyday with tears in my eyes. I tried to be as good a husband as i could. but it isnt me that is the problem. it is her. i'm just so hurt. i cant think about her w/ out tearing up, and i cant be around her w/ out crying. why would she do this? to me? now i dont know what to do w/ myself. i almost found myself a new girlfriend, but she is very ready for a serious relationship, and i am not. i kinda just want to get laid. the sex w/ her was no where near as good as w/ sandra. and it was a little weird, i've only ever had sex w/ sandra. i miss her a lot and i dont understand how she doesnt love me anymore.
i need the company on another woman right now. i told that other girl i couldnt give her anything serious, and she wont hang out w/ me anymore.
i dont think i will pursue that wild fire jobs. i cant leave silas for that long. i dont trust sandra. i need to b here for my son. i still want to join the military though. i might look into just the guard, that way i can stay here for most of the time. but u cant join the military as a single dad. i need to find a good career, something i can feel proud of.
i'm not proud of much right now. i'm very sad, and dont have much confidence right now, i didnt b4 she left me, and now i have less.
i just dont know what to do.
i'm so fuckin lost right now.
i need a hug.
and a kiss.
and then a hug again.
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